“Before I shaped you in the womb
I knew all about you
Before you saw the light of day
I had holy plans for you
A prophet to the nations
that’s what I had in mind for you”
Tonight the Father took me on an adventure. Which is funny because I’ve been saying that for this season of my life that’s all I want, adventure. Intimacy. I now see is something I struggle with. Being able to shut the rest of my thoughts down and completely focus on God and just talk to him is hard for me. Even tonight it was hard not to picture God just being giant, on a throne, and in a white space. Actually most of my portrayals of God have him in an all white setting. Maybe it’s because it’s hard to visualize him, because well he’s like… God. So I tried just picturing flesh, Jesus on earth, like you and me right now.
After breaking through the barriers, crying, and just laying in his presence I finally heard him. Saw him. Felt him. In my vision he brought me back to my nursery room in my first home as a baby. He rocked me and let me lay on him as if letting me know that it was all going to be okay. That’s when I heard him say “I knew you before you were in your mother’s womb.” He led me out of the house and into a ballroom where I danced with him on his feet. Intimacy. I loved feeling so close to him. But even after thinking I had this “vision” or “adventure” figured out… there was more. Looking back and seeing him rocking me, nurturing me, it was as if he was mothering me. Then letting me dance on his feet is something I’ve grown up doing with my dad. All of that led to breakthrough. The Father said
I am more than any earthly mother or father.
I’m not sure how to explain it, but I grew up with two great parents. So when it came to picturing God has a father figure it was almost like I would think… “Well I have that already.” But we can’t look at our earthly parents as more than God. Trust me. I’m learning the hard way, that no thing or person can come before him. During this time where I’ve been confused and angry it’s because I’ve allowed myself to put people before my God. And all he wanted to remind me of was that he can literally do it all.